My whole life was thrown in a lot of different directions when I started high school. I wanted the acceptance, I wanted the perfect boyfriend and I wanted to fit in. I changed my entire life to fit the mold of what I thought I should be like. I put on the fake smile to look as if I was actually happy. I entered the party world with the drugs and the alcohol. I thought it was the thing to do. I shut out my parents and I shut out everyone who truly cared about me. The only thing that truly mattered was being able to escape the hellish life I lived.

I went to desperate measures when all I wanted to do was end it all and not have to wake up and face the agony all over again. I used excuses to why I should end my life. The only thing that kept me from it was the fact that I was scared. Mostly I was scared of myself.

My parents knew something was wrong but I never would admit it to them because I did not believe there was anything wrong. I got so angry with my parents that all I did was yell and scream to be in control. My dad and I had no relationship because all I wanted to do was control everything. I put my mom on the guilt trip and told her that she was just trying to screw up my life when she did not let me do what I wanted.

I entered Carolina Springs Academy on October 10, 2002. For a while I was in denial about why I was here in the Program and that my life was fine. I dramatized many things. Then when I made Upper Level, I saw what I wanted in my life. It took me a long time to really look at things and see how I contributed and why I wanted to be someone I was not. I go through my struggles with my mom and dad, but my parents and I have pulled it together. I no longer hold things back from them. In fact, I am a lot more honest with how I feel.

I still struggle with wanting to be accepted by people but I have realized that not everyone is going to like me. I have also learned what I do and do not want in my space. I look at what I want in relationships with friends and boyfriends.

My parents and I have become so close especially since staffing Discovery with them. I had the chance of a lifetime to share the love my family has to offer with other people. To see people smile and cry and to touch peoples lives with our life story was an awesome experience. Now as I look back on where I was and where I am now, I can truly say I am happy with who I am. I never thought in my wildest dreams that my life would come together or that my parents and I could get along together again.

I have had many people touch my life in so many ways: the staff at Carolina Springs, my Family Rep, the students, and most of all the seminars. All I can say is that no matter how hard life gets, and no matter where the path may lead, there is always a better answer than leaving behind the people you love. Now I start a new journey with a whole new book and a whole new outlook on life!

by Jennifer Bassine enrolled Carolina Springs Academy October 2002