There is a cruel and heavy cross that all Canadians have had unfairly thrust upon their shoulders. No Im not talking about Canadas federal politicians. Paul Martin and Stephen Harper are more akin to albatross slung around the nations neck (fodder for another day). No dear reader, I am referring to the national scourge of the North the Canadian Tire Guy.

For any of our American readers who may not be up to speed on this scoundrel, the Canadian Tire Guy is a nosy neighbor/spokesperson for a Canadian hardware chain that always shows up in your yard (uninvited) and proceeds to lecture you that:

A. Your tools are utter shite, and B. You are verging on being an imbecile because you are so incompetent

Sounds like a great neighbor, eh?

Next thing you know, he, his wife and that chubby kid of theirs are going to pop up uninvited in my bedroom to tell me that I am pleasuring my wife incorrectly and then he will do a plug for the Canadian Tire long life, battery operated dildo with the adjustable twin heads

This man needs to be stopped!

If he shows up in your yard, could you please do us all a favor and push the pompous bastard headfirst into the Canadian Tire brand wood chipper that he is hawking?

Thanks a bunch.

The Undead Survival Guide

Check out other articles Ive written at: http://www.writingup.com/blog/undead_survival_guide