Big Matt used to be a lab proctor at my old college. His entire job consisted of walking from computer lab to computer lab and counting the number of computers, mice, keyboards, and people using the lab at that time. I tagged a long with Big Matt a few times, and on one of our last trips I came across a purple spiral notebook stuffed between two computers. The book look liked it had been there for a while, and it had apparently been part of an assignment which ended. The grade caught my interest because I recognized the instructor and her grading system. The student received a ten out of thirteen, which falls somewhere between grizzly death and being mauled by an angry Black Friday mob in a students mind.

If you can spell colege then there is a place for you at a university somewhere in this country. People like to tell me Im wrong and suggest that students applying to college can at least spell the word college, but I believe with this wonderful purple alarm clock I think I have some evidence to support my claims. So when youre sitting in class and the person next to you says something so stupid your brain says, screw this Im out of here you can rest easy and know youre not hallucinating, that person just might be that dumb.

The following are select entries from the notebook I found. I have removed the students name entirely, and the statements below are copied word for word from the original notebook. Let this be an important reminder as to why you should spell check and reread everything you do for class.

• What botherss me is when I campus book store cald sell out of hooks.

• Some professors buggle my mind when it comes to the way in which they teach.

• Some of the professors teach us stuff that we are hever going to have to use. Math is a good example.

• What is wrong with illegal drug?

• Why is it that make people believe that being H makes it ok.

• If you are good at metal working, you might be a machinist.

• My favorite mose is Dumb and Dumber. Ever time I see that movie I just cant help but to resite the words.

• Jim Carey and Jeff Daniels are the best pair ever put together.

• I wonder if Amish girls wonder what it is like to have amish guys who are not Amish.

• I think that by putting of video games like James Bond teaching the children of today to be good and ingeligent shippers and shooters.

• It tooke me a minute or two to put together that the W.T.C. was the Twin Towers.

• Where do people get there anger from when they play heavy metal music?

• I would hate to be the first person to have brain surgery.

• I wonder how how the first guy created the animal cracker. The guy must of ben at the zoo eating a cracker while looking at the animals.

• I for the life of me can not understand why a man would want to wear spandex.

• I understand its illegal but why sensor it?

• I was watching the news and this guy was standing there in nothing but spandex. He must have other clothes, we dont need to see that while watching the news.

• Even when Im sitting in class I get cravings for chicek salad from Friendlys.

• Why is it that people have to follow rules within the community?

• The democrats usually get in a circle and shoot at each other all day.